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My testimony of how God changed my heart is as follows:

9 He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and treated others with contempt: 10 “Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.’ 13 But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ 14 I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.”
--Luke 18:9-14

I grew up in a town of 1400 people (very much like Mayberry). My awesome sister, Beth Ann, and I were raised in a very moral home by two devoted and loving parents. Every Sunday morning, we would attend the Vienna First United Methodist Church, whether I wanted to go or not. I still love the people of that congregation.

Looking back on my life, I see the hand of God progressively drawing me to Himself through various circumstances, people, and the heartfelt understanding of what He revealed to all of humanity in the face of Jesus Christ as displayed in His Word. In 8th grade, I went through confirmation with the Methodist Church. I was a very moral kid, but it was then that I first began to realize that God was much larger than Vacation Bible School, Sunday School, dress slacks and ties, pot luck dinners, youth group events, children's time, church buildings, Bible drills, a weekly social gathering, etc..

I entered into high school on a quest to become Mr. Everything. I wanted to be the best athlete, the best student, the most popular. I was the world's biggest people pleaser. The summer going into my Sophomore year, I went on a 3-day Christian retreat known as Chysalis. I had never experienced anything like that in my life. I came back from that weekend sharing what I had found there, reading my Bible, praying deeper prayers, journaling, and leading Bible studies. I was soon elected to become vice president of the FCA, and my church elected me as the youth representative on the administrative council. Soon after that, I was elected to serve on the Chrysalis board for the Southern Illinois region. In the midst of all of this, I was still trying to exalt myself in the eyes of others.

By the time I had reached my Junior and Senior years of high school, I found myself surrounded by the "successes" I had set out for as a Freshman. The next few years consisted of a hypocritical double life. To the Christians, I became the best Christian. I became everything else to everyone else. My Freshmen year at Murray State, I joined a fraternity. I was immersed into an environment of sex, drugs, and rock and roll. The entire time, I just assumed I was a Christian. I had the cognitive head knowledge. I believed Jesus Christ lived, died, and rose again. "I WAS Mr. Christian in high school! I was a leader." That was my sense of security. I was constantly comparing myself to people.

During my freshmen year, someone asked me 3 questions: "Who are you?", "What are you?", and "Where are you going?". These questions forced me to examine myself. I began to ask questions about my purpose. It scared me to death. These questions caused me to begin living like I did the early part of high school. "Christ is counting on you" was my theme. I thought that Jesus could NOT possibly go on without me. I was a key player on His team. Do you see a resemblance between my attitude and the attitude of the Pharisee in the passage above?

The fall semester of my Sophomore year, God took the blinders off. For the first time, I actually GOT IT. During that season, God stripped me of ME. I flunked accounting. A friend of mine lost his fight with cancer at the age of 20. Going to that funeral gave me a true understanding of how short life is. It is a grain of sand in an infinite ocean. I began to realize that I was pouring everything I had into that grain of sand. My life was miserable. I had a void that all the alcohol, pot, and women in the world could not fill. A Christian fraternity brother and I began to discuss theology. I totally disagreed with everything he said. So I set out to disprove him. I was flying through books! The 3 books I read during this season that God used in a dramatic way were as follows: The Holiness of God, The God You Can Know, and Sinners In The Hands of an Angry God. I remember locking myself in my room studying like I had never studied in my life over Thanksgiving Break. My parents were worried about me!

I remember, vividly, one particular night during a fraternity party that I was reading the book of Romans and Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God. For the first time, with beer bottles breaking and the bass kicking, I realized that Jesus DID NOT need me, but He wanted me. I realized that I was the Pharisee in that passage! And I realized that every breath, every heartbeat, every blink of my eye, was a GIFT of grace that I did not deserve. I realized, for the first time, that I was at the mercy of God.

From that point on, I have lived a life of gratitude on grace and mercy alone. Everything this side of hell is pure grace. Not only did God show me mercy, but He gave me the entire universe and eternal life in the righteousness that I now possess in Christ.

To God be the glory!